The Second Month

Hi March, welcome to the house! I am pretty shocked that today is March 1. Where is my February? Bring it back please…

February was the month of my ups and downs, really hope it was the first and the last in this year (and hopefully forever haha), fingers crossed! If in accordance with the original plan, February supposed to be a fun month for me and S because we will go back to my hometown in Pontianak to celebrate our first Chinese New Year as husband and wife (with my big family of course). But well, it is said that we just can make our plans but God will determine the steps. Both of me and S had to face the fact that my mom was not in her best condition.

My mom was sentenced to suffer from acute depression. She was quite fine physically but she can’t control her mind. It was the heartbreaking news for both of me and S, we never thought this would happen. At that moment I said to S that I was in the six and seven and I really hope to be there as soon as possible. The pressure from other family nor your-mommy-bestfriends was come along with the anxiety, just kept asked “when will you go home”, “you need to go home immediately”, until “you are the cause of her ill, you are really troublemaker” without comprehend your real situation here nor remember that you still earn a living from other people. Tried to ignore it but I did not success 100% ’cause it was harsh enough. I felt like a scapegoat at that time.

We have bought the tickets since June or July 2016 for the departure on February 4, 2017 at 7.30 am and return on February 11, 2017 at 8 pm. We chose the date after set a discussion with my mom. She said it is better to go home after the first week of Chinese New Year in order to enjoy our time in Pontianak. Besides, she doesn’t need to rush her talking-time with us if we go home in the second week (she will get busy with the guests in the first week fyi). Not to mention, the Cap Go Meh (the 15th day of Chinese New Year) was held on February 11. It should be a big festivity, who want to skip it?


So ya, both of me and S decided to change the screenplay eventually. I called the Citilink and asked for the reschedule. Unfortunately the seats were full but we got offer for February 1 at 7 am. We had to advance the return schedule as well because we got only a week off from our offices. The second offer was February 8 at 8 pm. Albeit the surcharge was IDR 500.000, we felt so relieved! Forget to say that my Sony Ultra was off suddenly because the usb port was damaged. I have tried for times but I still can’t recharge the battery. By the time you read this post, I have brought it to the Sony service center and I am typing with the LG G5. 

I still remember that I can’t set up my mind as the plane landed at the Supadio airport. I felt so wrong and did not ready to face it. I am not a devoted person to my religion but I still believe that He will give His best no matter what.

I met my mother eventually and the situation was in a mess. She didn’t want to meet me and S, she didn’t want to eat nor drink a water, she was very terrible at the time I arrived in my house. Both of me and S can’t believe that she was our mom whom we saw in our marriage back to the last November. It was only 3 months ago! Decided not to go nowhere, me and S kept concern about her during our time in Pontianak.

Our one week duration was the other case and we’ve known that people will give their objection about it. We aren’t shaman but it is a common issue in our social life, isn’t it? I know that she is my mom and S know that she is his mother-in-law but we have to be realistic that we still need to earn a living. I am not talking that money is everything but I can’t pay the installment and our daily needs with the green leaves, including the cost of mom’s treatment. 

I can’t move back to Pontianak as I do not plan to stay there longer, I just feel that my life isn’t in there, and don’t forget that my husband lives in Jakarta. I have asked my mom to live with us for temporary but she said no because she doesn’t like the situation in this capital city. Been taught that obtruding someone isn’t a good thing, both me and S didn’t force her any longer. Alas, people will always try to make you awry with their opinion.


Come back to Jakarta wasn’t an easy peasy thing. Both of me and S have to manage so many things and have to control our mom’s condition by phone. By the time you read this post, my mom is getting much better than before. Still not in her best condition but she keep show the significant process and I am really happy for that. And let me straighten the opinion about “I am a troublemaker, I am the cause of her ill”. That is true that my mom has problem(s) but she said that I am not her problem. She said that clearly in front of our families but well, people will always have their own opinion.

Notwithstanding the rest of my February was good enough but I still went to doctor for several times. I still spend most of my free time with sleep as I really lack of it. I still have many debts to my blog and I’ll try to finish it 🙂


Ws 😉



  1. Hey Wien, mamaku jg dulu depresi berat. Berkali2 malah, mulai sejak ditinggal papaku.

    Just to let you know, it’s okay to ask for help from the doctor. Go to the hospital, find the psychiatrist. Itu bukan hal yang tabu. Depression itu salah satunya adalah karena ada imbalance dlm hormon ataupun dlm neuron2. Jadi walaupun dibilang bukan fisik, tp sebenernya itu fisik jg karena dokter bisa bantu utk bikin balance. Semoga bs dicari solusi terbaik.


    • Hai ci, mama sudah ke tiga atau empat dokter ci, terakhir ke SPKJ yang memang seorang psikiater juga, dan sepertinya mama cocok dengan dokter yang terakhir ini. Tadi saya barusan telp mama, kondisinya semakin membaik ci and I am really happy for that. Makasih untuk sarannya ya ci, highly appreciated!


  2. I read your status when you went back to Pontianak. But didn’t know how seriously your mom was. I am so sorry to hear that Wien.
    Be strong… I hope everything would be okay Wien.


  3. Peluk Wiwien. Aku tau rasanya wien karena mamaku mengalami hal yang lebih parah dan kita sudah tau nama penyakitnya mamaku itu apa. Tapi percayalah semua nya itu diberikan kepada kita karena Dia tau kita mampu melewatinya


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